The Music Video of the Summer
NSFW in Public, Prehistoric Sharks, and what I’m watching this week.
I sprained my dominant hand (I’m a righty) on Thursday so this weeks newsletter is dictated with voice to text, and comically edited with my left hand. You’d think watching me try to do anything with my left hand that I overconfidently slapped that fucker on five minutes ago without reading the instruction manual.
That being said, hand injuries suck and writing the newsletter this week has been difficult, but we’re here and that’s what matters!
NSFW in Public
On Friday, Janelle Monáe dropped her single Lipstick Lover, along with an accompanying music video that can only be described as “um, wait, I think I need to go back and watch that again…”
Few music videos are this sexy. It’s up there with Di Angelo’s Untitled (How Does It Feel) vid and Beyoncé’s Rocket. It’s absolutely deserving of being categorized as one of the “Sexiest Music Videos Ever Made.”
Weird anecdote adjacent:
Last week, while waiting for the PT to make my hand splint I was watching aforementioned video - headphones in of course - and trying to look as inconspicuous as possible because I was pretty much watching softcore porn in a physical therapist’s office.
There was a person on either side of me at separate tables but they’re like 12 feet away each and the PT had their back turned to me. Anyway I’m minding my business when another patient, an old white lady, walks out from a back room and as she passes us yells out “Happy Mother’s Day!”
I’m not sure if anyone else turned around to wish her a happy Mother’s Day back, but I did not because my eyes were glued to the screen. Apparently my lack of response angered this woman so much that she walked over to me and with the passive aggressive energy of a tween muttered under her breath “Oh, well you’re probably not a mother”.
First off, that’s weird. I still don’t understand what kind of insult she was going for there. Second, I was not wearing noise cancelling headphones so I heard everything she said. As I turned to face her she saw my phone screen, where Mx. Monáe was masturbating on a bed of sex toys, turned pale as a ghost, and made a beeline for the exit.
I may never know what that lady’s deal was but I do know this for certain: I’m indebted to Janelle Monáe for creating the sexy sapphic bop of the summer and for thwarting off bitter old Upper East Side bitches with a video that is unapologetically queer and full of gorgeous titties and butts. Thank you Janelle, you are a hero.
Meg 2: The Trench
The trailer for Meg 2: The Trench has got to be one of the greatest trailers I’ve seen all year. At one point Jason Statham rides an epic wave one handed on a jet-ski - the other hand wielding a double pointed silver spear - into the face of a prehistoric giant killing machine as Barracuda by Heart rocks on in the background.
How could anyone resist seeing this cinematic masterpiece?
As you can gather, I’m a big fan of The Meg. I love absurdist sci-fi and I had an obsession with dinosaurs as a kid that carried over into adulthood (I’ve seen every single Jurassic Park movie in theaters and would do it all again got damnit!1) Sci-fi action films like The Meg are great because of their bad writing and awesome special effects, because movies like this don’t need character development or villain origin stories. We’re just there to see monster vs human, in all its idiocy as it has been since the start of time. Counting down the days to see this in 3D.
What movies are you excited for this Summer? Let me know in the comments!
What I’m Watching
The Great, S3 - Huzzah! The Great is back and though me and Adam are only a few episodes in, I’ve repeatedly laughed so hard I thought maybe I peed a little. This show never disappoints and I’m so glad to have another season. No spoilers here, just me telling you to hurry up and watch already.
Single Drunk Female - I’m giving this show four out of five stars because it’s set in Boston. There’s no other reason. Otherwise, it’s well written and acted and handles the complexities, nuances, and humanity of addiction and “recovery” really well. The show hasn’t been cancelled or renewed for a third season, but I’d love for it to be able to tie up the loose ends it leaves in Season 2.
Don't Trust the B---- In Apartment 23 - This show is not good but Krysten Ritter is fantastic and I’m happy to be contributing to her streaming residuals.
That’s it for this week, please vote in the poll (you can also vote in my Instagram stories today and on Friday).
Please tap the like button, leave a comment (because I love to hear from you!), or share with a friend!
All I want for Christmas is for the Fast and the Furious franchise, The Meg franchise and the Jurassic Park franchise to build a new-mega-franchise in which cars, explosions, physics defying stunts, bad jokes, dinosaurs and giant sharks are ultimately brought together in a saga that rivals that of the marvel franchise that has reigned over us for the past 10+ years.
THAT VIDEO!!!! I watched it like I was back in high school sneaking something I wasn't supposed to be doing. lol Janelle blowing our minds yet again!!!