Sexiest Music Videos of All Time
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A big thank you to everyone who participated in the poll last week. After voting on IG and Substack, “Sexiest Music Videos” and “Houseplants for Busy People” were the highest ranked as topics for this week’s newsletter.
We’re gonna dive into “Sexiest Music Videos” in a moment (houseplant post to come later), but before we do let’s chat about…
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This week you get a sneak peak into what you can expect as a paid subscriber as we dive into some of the Sexiest Music Videos ever made!
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Sexiest Music Videos of All Time
DISCLAIMER: The following is a completely objective list of the sexiest music videos ever made, listed in no particular order. I expanded the definition of “Music Video” to include not only album visuals, but also scenes from music focused movies and short films. Why? Because it’s my newsletter and not yours - AND - there is a lot of steamy content out there that y’all should see. Some of the videos are embedded and the rest are linked.
Untitled (How Does It Feel) by D’ Angelo
This video sexually awakened every human being who saw it in the year of our Lord 2000. It didn’t matter your age or gender - basements flooded, balls dropped, hairs popped up where they hadn’t been before. Every guy I knew sophomore year of college was suddenly working on defining their “fuck me muscles” and everyone who sucked dick wanted their felatio game to make that special someone scream the way D’Angelo screamed at the 2:55 mark.
Ride by Ciara
There are no smoke and mirrors in this video. It’s minimalistic focus on Ciara performing sexually charged, provocative choreography creates an intimate and steamy viewing experience. Due to sexual content it was not aired on BET, and was banned from UK music channels. It did run on MTV and VH1 though and was well received by fans (obviously.)
MONTERO (Call Me By Your Name) by Lil Nas X
For generations, queer people have struggled to find examples of ourselves in pop music. Many of us have revered female pop stars (Cher, Beyoncé, Britney, Madonna, Mariah - the list goes on and on) because we relied on their unapologetic sexuality to live out our queerness. But generations young and old no longer have to insert themselves into heterosexual fantasies to find solace when LGBTQ+ icons like Lil Nas X unapologetically stand in their sexuality, and slide down stripper poles into hell to give Satan a lap dance before murdering and dethroning the Prince of Darkness.
Rocket by Beyoncé
Shot at the The Standard High Line hotel in Manhattan, the video for Rocket features various slow motion close-up shots of Queen Bey who spends most of her time in lingerie doing things like laying on a bed, eating strawberries, taking a shower, and playing a piano. It’s been widely praised for its filming technique, and for good reason as it’s one of the most sensual music videos I think I’ve ever watched.
Magic Mike XXL
Behold: the titular moment of the film when Channing Tatum’s character - Mike - connects once again to his love affair with dance by sensually grinding with power tools, and swinging off beams of the tool shed to Ginuwine’s Pony in a way that only Tatum can.
Break Free by Ruby Rose
When this video came out in 2014 I remember crying a lot when I watched it. I don’t think I cried that hard since I saw a screening of Boys Don’t Cry at college. Like the movie, this short film reflected back parts of myself I only saw in the mirror but never saw in others - this time though the lead was queer like me and that made it all the more powerful because yes, representation actually does matter. Butterfly Boucher’s single ‘It Pulls Me Under’ plays throughout the short film that explores gender roles, how sexiness is both confined by and liberated through gender expression, what it means to be trans, and what it feels like to have an identity that doesn’t look like those of the people around you. Ultimately being who you are is sexy (tho it doesn’t hurt when you look like Ruby Rose.)
More…
Lipstick Lover by Janelle Monáe - We went over this video last week, and it gets better with each damn watch so what are you waiting for?
Thot Shit by Megan the Stallion - This video is a delight for those who love beautiful women, butts1, and enjoy a hearty laugh2 at the expense of a racist old white man. FYI: any video Megan is in, immediately becomes a sexy ass video.
Darling Nikki by Prince and The Revolution in Purple Rain - If there was ever a human who mastered the art of sexual confidence it was Prince, and his performance of Darling Nikki in Purple Rain is a great example of how he could - and did - seduce literally anyone with a pulse.
Bitch Better Have My Money by Rihanna - This video is on here for a lot of reasons but most importantly because Rihanna makes murdering sexy, as long as you’re murdering your accountant who stole your money.
Special Affair/Curse by The Internet - People have been sleeping on The Internet for years and it still bothers me that they aren’t more noticed for their contributions to modern day R&B. Their queer AF sultry and sensual vibes are nothing to be trifled with, and vocalist Syd nearly pulls you onto her lap through the screen.
Booty by Saucy Santana ft. Latto - Queer icon Freddie Mercury once said “Fat bottomed girls, you make this rockin’ world go round” and dear reader he did not lie one bit! This video is fun, campy, luscious, playful, flirty and sexy AF.
Honorable Mention:
Think my list is missing something? Tell me in the comments!!!!
Its everyone and if you say you aren’t, you’re lying.
You may think you know where this video is going. You don’t.
Love this list!! You nailed it. (My sexiest music video of all time was another thing we lost when Kanye decided to spew Nazi hate. 😭 “Fade” with Teyana Taylor. Doesn’t belong on lists anymore obviously, tragically for Teyana!)